他真的不理我了。
现在的我感觉非常失落。我想我们是没法再像以前那样，开开心心的做朋友。
我真的很想恋他。。。
Some random updates
Posted in everyday life on November 15, 2009 by scorpiemeRandom updates 1:
I had the strongest need to hang out with a friend today. Odd…haven’t felt like this for ages.
Random updates 2:
I secretly wished someone will get me a leather jacket for my birthday. But since it’s a secret and nobody knows, so I guess I’ll have to get it for myself :)
Random updates 3:
I can’t believe I am 33 already. Yoda said I am still a baby. Odd, he seems to think that the age of my soul is 17 going on 18. Well…I don’t know what to think…I wished I have another 33 years to live. Time is running out.
Random updates 4.
I still think about Maga at times. Funnily enough I think about him a lot lately. I wonder how would we be if he is still alive today.
Random updates 5:
I’ve always known that I can get anything that I want if I put my heart into it. I thought I wanted ‘it’. But till today, my heart is still having doubts. And I am still finding the answers, in the songs I listen to and in the books I feast my eyes on. Sigh, is this search going to last forever?
missing Count Dracula
Posted in everyday life on November 10, 2009 by scorpiemeToday’s Tuesday and I am already feeling like Friday – wanting to stay up all night entertaining my thoughts. I really feel like talking to Count Dracula now…
Haven’t spoken to him at all today. Which is unusual because no matter how busy I am, I made an effort to at least say ‘hi’. But today, I just wanted to be alone, away from Count. Because I know I wouldn’t be able to control myself from saying things that I should not have said.
I am really tired emotionally. I don’t know why does the universe put me through all these mambo jumbo with Count Dracula. Sometimes, I really do feel like walking away and not bother about him, about how my heart feel towards him. But I just… can’t. Because…I do love him. I love him for the man he is and the man that he wants to become.
The kind of unconditional love that I felt for him baffles me at times. Why him? What is the universe trying to tell me?
the 4 letter word
Posted in everyday life on November 9, 2009 by scorpiemeI can now say that I am at peace with myself, after I re-aligned my heart with the concept of soul mate. I no longer want to control the outcome with him. If he is my soul mate, which I am 60% sure he is at the point of writing, we will be together. But even if he is and he never found out, it will still be okay and I will still love him no matter what.
‘Love ts an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.’ The Zahir by Paulo Coelho.
I am sure it would hurt like crazy if I have to leave him though he is really the one. But it would hurt even more if I’ve given my the love I have for myself and the universe because of the idea of selfish love – the need to own love.
the unexpected
Posted in everyday life on November 9, 2009 by scorpiemeI had the most unexpected encounter today. As I was doing my grocery shopping, I bumped into my aunt. As though it was fated, damned my reflex for working faster than my mind, before I could stop myself, I’ve already call out to her.
I reluctantly join her for coffee, knowing very well what she was going to talk about and how I would feel after that.
It must be the most uninspiring conversation that I’ve had in ages. She lectured me about not purchasing my own property, about not keeping in touch with the rest of the relatives, about my travels to Myanmar, about how the insect airline was way better etc etc. And as usual, harsh words were uttered, I did not fight back because I knew this is a human being incapable of accepting others as they are. A human being who perceive her world through what the media and society has deemed right and wrong. A human being without the realization that her heart has been clouded with much poison accumulated along the years. Although she occasionally looked happy when she talks about her travels with another woman’s husband, her life must be full of much anger, sadness and loneliness.
Most importantly of all, I knew she would not have understood the things that I would say to her. Not in this lifetime.
Soul mate and the spiritual path
Posted in everyday life on November 8, 2009 by scorpiemeI have not thought about this for the longest time…
Every since I knew how to love a man, my mission has always been wanting to find Him- my soul mate. I don’t know when did I stopped searching; maybe it was when M died and I thought that I’ve lost the chance to be with my soul mate in this life time. Maybe, it was because I am so comfortable being in the company of myself that I’ve forgotten the need to search for him.
I thought about M a lot recently; the guilt of not telling him enough that I love him and the pain that I’ve caused both him and I. In fact… I thought about a lot of things recently. Things that I’ve long forgotten is resurfacing itself once again through the paragraphs I read from Paulo’s book. And oddly, I found myself wearing my crystals again, praying to the universe before I close my eyes at night.
I was once in tuned with the universe, many many years ago. I could feel the energy that emits from the soil that we walked on, from the branches of the trees, the infinite positive energy that surrounds every being in this planet, and perhaps this universe.
I once chose to walk that path. The path of the old traditions. A belief that is feared by others because of their pre-programmed minds of constant need to be acceptable by society.
When did I too, became one of them? I don’t know…
What I do know is that I am ready to walk the path again. Knowing that this is the only way for me to live life to the fullest and to truly understand the reasons of our existence.
Beijing adventure Part 2
Posted in everyday life on November 3, 2009 by scorpiemeAn Italian traveler once told me that people fall in love with a country on the basis of 3 things; the air, the food and the people. For me, I first fell in love with the Chinese signage in Beijing! Especially the huge ones with neon lights (I loved it!). Then it was the food. Especially Peking duck! For the record, I’ve never like duck dishes, wouldn’t even eat ‘em if I’m paid to. But Peking duck was DELICIOUS! Then it was all the good looking men in Beijing! So tall, well build with good looking features. Wow, I wouldn’t mind living in Beijing (at all!)! Hahaha..
From Tianjin Binhai International Airport, we took a shuttle bus to Beijing. That took us approximately 2 hours. But for those in a rush, you can also opt for the bullet train which would only take 30 minutes.
Beijing was cold and extremely grey! As we approached the city, I was awed by the China Central Television (CCTV) building. I’ve never seen anything quite like this before. So unique, so artistic and so beautiful! It sure did take my breath away, literally.
Beijing CCTV building
Photo credit: http://www.e-architect.co.uk
We checked in to The Great Wall Sheraton Hotel and went food hunting with our colleague, Bingo.
After we stuffed ourselves silly, Segatron and I went back to our room to get ready for CAPA (Centre for Asia Pacific Aviation) annual award presentation.
AirAsia and AirAsia x bagged Airline Of The Year award. While Tony bagged CAPA Legend Award. It was truly a momentous day for all of us.
After the award presentation, it was party time AirAsia style! We head to Lan Club – a club frequent by China’s celebs.
Designed by Philippe Starck, the decor was truly extravagant! It has crystal chandeliers, baroque paintings, Victorian styled tables lining and even private bathrooms!
Beijing adventure – Part 1
Posted in everyday life on November 1, 2009 by scorpiemeThe time was 11.20pm. Realizing that I have not eaten the whole day had my stomach grumbled frantically. Thank God for Old Town cafe at LCCT. The curry mee has never taste so good.
It was a beautiful night, and our flight to Tianjin was scheduled at 1am. It was good to see some familiar faces on this trip. With 29 of us it kind of feel like going on a field trip. Everyone was happy because we were going to Beijing to celebrate our winning for CAPA’s Airline of the year award. 3 years in a roll. Now, that’s pretty awesome.
For me, it’s the thought of gracing the soil of China that had me all excited. There’s something about China that intrigues me – something that I can’t quite put my fingers on. Albeit being a Malaysian Chinese and able to read, write and speak the language, I often don’t consider myself ‘Chinese’ enough. First of all, I’ve often been mistaken for a Malay, Thai and sometimes Japanese and Korean (God knows why!) Second of all, I guess I tend to see the world and human beings as One; beyond race and skin color. But the diverse culture and the way of life have never failed to intrigue me. And so is China, the land of the dragons.
The flight to Tianjin was pleasant and I managed to sleep for a few hours. Though seated at the economy seat I must say the A340 was really comfortable (with plenty of leg room!) for long haul flight. I wouldn’t even mind taking a 12 hour flight to London in economy that’s for sure :)
The break of dawn and the sight of the orange color horizon at 30,000 feet were breathtakingly beautiful. I could feel the excitement bursting in my veins knowing that we would be landing shortly at Tianjin Binhai International Airport.
However, as fate would have it, there was a runway difficulty which resulted in inability for the aircraft to land. After hovering on air for about 30 minutes, we detoured to Beijing Capital International Airport for refuel. Unfortunately we are unable to disembark at the Airport. From locating a free parking bay and the refueling took about one and half hour before we took off to Tianjin Binhai International Airport again.
Confusion and frustration was felt by some of the Chinese passengers but the cabin crew did a good job in controlling and explaining the situation at hand. A sense of relief was felt when we took off to Tianjin Binhai International Airport- knowing that we would be able to land and disembark soon.
I guess the most anticipated announcement from the Captain at that moment (for me at least) was indeed ‘Cabin crew, please be seated for landing.’ But luck wasn’t at our side. When we were about to land at Tianjin Binhai International Airport, the Captain took an emergency take off and aborted landing – due to zero visibility caused by the heavy fog.
Anxiety filled the aircraft and when we aborted landing for the 2nd time and I found myself consoling the
Welsh couple seated beside me. Funny how at that time I wasn’t worried at all; probably because I knew we were in the good hands of Captain Hans and Captain Ling – Who did a fantastic job in updating the passengers on the flight situation.
Finally, we managed to land at the 3rd attempt and had everyone clapped for joy! So in all, we arrived in Tianjin at 1pm instead of 7am. We were 6 hours late but I am sure relief took precedent than any other possible negative feelings.
As the saying goes ‘Better be safe than sorry’. Kudos to Captain Hans, Captain Ling and the rest of the cabin crew for getting us land safely.
Choices in life
Posted in everyday life on October 18, 2009 by scorpiemeAbsolute freedom doesn’t exist; what does exist is the freedom to choose anything u like & then commit yourself to that decision.
